In the 1970s, Coca-Cola released an ad featuring more than a thousand people from every continent standing on an Italian hilltop singing the song “I’d Like to Buy the World A Coke.” The commercial was wildly successful, and the simple lyrics and catchy tune offered the lovely notion of people coming together in peace and harmony. Unfortunately, getting along with everyone is more complicated than sitting down to share an ice-cold Coca-Cola, so this month we’d like to offer some thoughts about helping kids navigate the days when there isn’t harmony and unity with their peers.

Mom’s words

My mother lovingly reminded me often that I wasn’t going to be everybody’s favorite and sometimes people just say mean things. We can’t change anyone, but we can make sure we treat others with kindness because we have no idea what greets them when they go home. She would kiss my forehead and remind me to pray for those who hurt me and remember that I was loved and treasured by my Creator. My children heard those same words again and again growing up because they are steeped in truth and humility.

A place to tell the story

When kids are hurt, they need a safe place to tell the story, so listen lovingly and remind them they are loved by you and their heavenly Father. Help kids understand it’s better to spill everything to you and avoid saying things they’ll regret in the heat of the hurt. Empathy is important, and as hard as it might be, speaking uncharitably about others isn’t helpful. This was always the place with my kids where I plugged in my mom’s words, and we prayed for grace and mercy. Very often just telling the story and feeling a parent’s love and empathy is enough to calm emotions and find perspective. We aren’t in control of others, but we can control how we react.

Required not recommended

Sometimes the greatest reason to do something is because Jesus told us to. Scripture is very clear about choosing our attitude and words; Jesus didn’t say be nice to only those who are nice to you. Discipleship can be tricky; hurt feelings and wounded pride can make it even harder to do the right thing. But doing the right thing isn’t optional; it’s required. Our kids need us to help them form the vocabulary, process their emotions and practice forgiveness and humility.

Big ideas

Help kids make sure the people in their circle are helping them get to heaven. Pray with your kids for the grace to see others with Christ’s eyes. Our goal is to please Jesus, not everyone around them. Share some Scripture stories about how Jesus handled others when they didn’t treat him well. Finally, be mindful of the way you speak about others taking care to demonstrate what Jesus is calling us to.

Pure hearts

Since true kindness and compassion toward all God’s children require pure hearts, make these words a prayer you say with your children:

To be pure in heart, Lord help me…

Act in a way consistent with my faith, rather than reacting to another person.

Pray for insight in regard to this relationship.

Try not to work against the grain of the person.

Keep my heart and my intentions pure.