The phone rang at 6:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning – never a good sign. My wife works for a Catholic insurance provider that serves parishes and when disaster strikes, she’s called to help assess damage and coordinate repairs. Overnight, flooding had damaged more than 15 churches, and she was needed immediately.

On any other Sunday, we’d have been making breakfast together, herding our seven kids and preparing for Mass. Instead, my wife was out the door within minutes, beginning what would become a 12-hour day of serving parishes in crisis. Watching her leave, I saw that her call was more than a job – it was her vocation to serve the Church. And mine was just as clear: to serve her by caring for our family. I made breakfast, shepherded the kids to Mass and carried the day.

Mutual self-giving

Managing the day alone was a challenge, but it reminded me of something profound about marriage. This was the very vow I had made at the altar: to serve my wife always through total mutual self-giving.

The Church uses a beautiful word for this kind of service: diakonia. It’s the same word used for the ministry of deacons, but it isn’t limited to ordained ministry. Every married couple is called to this same spirit of service – a daily offering of ourselves for the good of our spouse and family.

Marriage doesn’t simply change our status; it reshapes our hearts, turning us from people focused on ourselves into people called to live for another. This transformation happens in small moments: choosing to listen when we’d rather scroll our phones, offering encouragement after a long day instead of immediately sharing our own frustrations, or taking on extra responsibilities when our spouse faces sudden demands. These aren’t grand gestures, but they are profound acts of diakonia.

My wife lives this daily. When I’m buried in a project and need focused time, she quietly redirects the children and handles the evening routine. She doesn’t announce her sacrifice or expect fanfare. She simply serves, because that’s what spouses do: We “bear one another’s burdens.” (CCC 1642)

Daily service to each other

The beauty of marital service is that it’s mutual. While I was handling the family’s Sunday routine, my wife was serving parishes in their hour of need. Neither of us was keeping score – we were simply living out our marriage promise of mutual self-giving.

This daily service is the call of every marriage, a promise to love in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. In the end, it’s not the grand gestures that sustain a marriage – it’s the quiet, consistent choice to serve one another, one ordinary day at a time.

And sometimes, it all begins with a 6:30 a.m. phone call.