A melancholic parent has established the college fund early and has a plan for retirement. They like their ducks in a row. They long for – and dream of – order, peace, quiet, perfection.

Spiritually, they are inspired by the martyrs and mystics who lived the faith in profound and uncompromising ways. Because of the melancholic’s concern for the ideal, they may tend toward scrupulosity. Their favorite Scripture verse very well could be, “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Mt 5:48)

Melancholics can struggle when reality doesn’t measure up to their ideals. In life, there are gray areas and ambiguities. The kids are noisy and track mud into the living room, the day is simply not going according to plan or there is not enough time to do sufficient research.

Melancholics often have a hard time being flexible when life doesn’t meet their expectations. Their longing for perfection may become foremost in their minds. At the same time, however, although bothered by small things, they are often capable, strong and energized when faced with a true crisis. Diligence and attention to detail are valued traits in a person. As we read in Hebrews: “We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized.” (6:11)

With your melancholic spouse, it may be helpful to establish a consistent practice of counting your blessings and expressing gratitude to God. This is beneficial for everyone, and can be particularly helpful in increasing joy for persons with this God-given temperament.