Some days, between my spouse and I, it seems impossible just to take care of the regular everyday tasks. But if we’re not careful, our communication can easily be reduced to a daily check-in of what remains on the ever-present to-do list. How, then, can busy couples accomplish everything they need to and still have time for “the better part”?

Choosing “the better part” is not something we do after the work is already done, but rather occurs amid our daily work. It begins with remembering that we’re so very loved. As Scripture reminds us: “See what love the Father has bestowed on us that we may be called the children of God. Yet so we are.” (1 Jn 3:1) Notice that there’s nothing in this verse about having to do something to receive God’s love. God’s love is a free gift given to us not because of what we do for God but simply for who we are: his.

When we understand this truth, we are capable of both receiving and giving this kind of love in our marriage. What if choosing “the better part” in marriage looks like helping each other to remember that we are loved not for what we do, but for who we are? (“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.” [Song 6:3]) What would it look like if husband and wife focused on showing up in a way that lets the other feel seen, appreciated and delighted in apart from their ability to take care of the necessary tasks of caring for a household and family?

Mary understood that listening to her Lord was enough. Martha felt she had to do for Jesus, rather than simply be with Jesus. Jesus’ correction was an invitation. Jesus wants our hearts, just as they are, not what we can do for him. He just wants us. In our relationship with our spouse, we have the powerful and awesome ability to reveal this same love to one another. Choosing “the better part” is taking that next step to let your spouse know how very much he or she is loved, just as they are.