Ah, the confidence and energy of the choleric. You may have fallen for that decisive, entrepreneurial spirit and take-charge style. When dating, cholerics tend to focus single-mindedly on achieving their goal: They may win you over with their persuasive and intelligent conversation and their attentiveness and winning ways – moving the relationship forward like a boss.

Once married, their entrepreneurial spirit focuses on establishing a successful career and starting a family. You may wonder: What happened to courtship romance and flowers? Practicality tends to win out over romance and, truthfully, that weeping woman in black at the widow’s watch, waiting for her sailor to return? Melancholic. Your choleric spouse is a bundle of energy, an independent thinker, an efficiency expert and Johnny-on-the- spot for solving problems. On the other hand they can be opinionated, argumentative, demanding and short-tempered with those whose opinions do not impress them. And, as one choleric famously said, they are “right, 99.9% of the time.”

You will rarely find a choleric spouse sleeping in, dithering over a decision or wasting time. Our choleric son-in-law brings his efficiency and energy to even the most mundane of chores: How quickly can he make an entire Costco run? (The answer: 20 minutes.)

You might need to encourage your choleric spouse to make time for less obviously productive enterprises, such as contemplative prayer or simple relaxation. If you are the more easy-going partner, you may sometimes wish you both had a little more down time, or more quiet, intimate and vulnerable moments. Cholerics are strong in leadership, magnanimity and zeal, but need to realize that some temperaments do not have as much energy as they do, or an equal sense of urgency about getting things done. Supremely confident in their own position, cholerics need to be reminded that, even when they don’t agree with their spouse or kids, they can remain open to what they are saying and to listening respectfully with the reverence due the other.

Living within a family as a “communion of persons,” as St. John Paul II said, teaches us the importance of the virtues of flexibility, patience, humility and empathy – virtues a wise choleric should learn.

The choleric’s goal-driven nature can be used for good or for ill – the key is focusing on the right goal and submitting to the will of God, rather than his or her own will. Choleric St. Paul persecuted the early Christian community, “breathing murderous threats against the disciples” (Acts 9:1), but once converted, he became the greatest Apostle.